Rosie,
I’m returning to Boston tomorrow but before I go I wanted to write this letter to you. All the thoughts and feelings that have been bubbling up inside me are finally overflowing into this pen and I’m leaving this letter for you so that you don’t feel that I’m putting you under any great pressure. I understand that you will need to take your time trying to decide on what I am about to say.
I no what’s going on, Rosie; you’re my best friend and I can see the sadness in your eyes. I no that Greg isn’t away working for the weekend. You never could lie to me; you were always terrible at it. Don’t pretend that everything is perfect because I see what’s going on. I see that Greg is a selfish man who has absolutely no idea just how lucky he is and it makes me sick.
He is the luckiest man in the world to have you, Rosie, but he doesn’t deserve you and you deserve far better. You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you’re doing, where you are, who you’re with, and if you’re OK. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and who can protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who can make you happy, really happy, dancing-on-air happy. Someone who should have taken the chance to be with you years ago instead of getting scared and being too afraid to try.
I am not scared anymore Rosie. I am not afraid to try. I no what that feeling was at your wedding—it was jealousy. My heart broke when I saw the woman I love turning away from me to walk down the aisle with another man, another man she planned to spend the rest of her life with. It was like a prison sentence for me. Years ahead without me being able to tell you how I feel or hold you how I wanted to.
Twice we stood beside each other at the altar, Rosie. Twice. And twice we got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day but I was too stupid to see that I needed you to be the reason for my wedding day. But we got it all wrong.
I should never have let your lips leave mine all those years ago in Boston. I should never have pulled away. I should never have panicked. I should never have wasted all those years without you. Give me a chance to make them up to you. I love you, Rosie, and I want to be with you and Katie and Josh. Always.
Please think about it. Don’t waste your time on Greg, this is our opportunity. Let’s stop being afraid and take the chance. I promise I’ll make you happy.
All my love,
Alex
[Where Rainbows End - Chapitre 19 - Cecelia Ahern]
